I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize