she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Text me some of your sweat
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
