There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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