girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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