remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
