Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
My cat gives me a boner
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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