the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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