we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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