There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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