Tell her she can't have a vagina
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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