You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
