found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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