she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
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