Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
