Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
