there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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