Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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