I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
