i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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