i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
