somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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