Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
