I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
