Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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