Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
