i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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