I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Randomize
