I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
