Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
