My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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