If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
