I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
