did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize