Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
