we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
