I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
