he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
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