your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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