i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
farters have to be the big spoon...
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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