literally had 100 drinks last night.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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