you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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