I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize