i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
