I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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