We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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