So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
