you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
