I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Randomize
