I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
