So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize