I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
