it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
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