Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
