Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
