you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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