We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Randomize