I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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