shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
