You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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