i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
