I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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