what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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