Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
