You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
FUCK WHALES
Randomize
