also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Randomize
