yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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