Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Randomize