WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
operation harelip BJ is a go
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
