It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
