I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
