it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
