we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
