uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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