so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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