My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
