if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize