Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
