Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
