Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
