Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
is it fun? or sober?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
