I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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