yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
YAS. BRING CRAB.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
