Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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