Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize
