When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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