What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I'm having to shit out rocks
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
