we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
