My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Randomize
