i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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