so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
