wrigley field is MILF paradise
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
