he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
