i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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