ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
