it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize