If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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