Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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