Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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