we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
