your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
