Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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