I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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