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Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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