He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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