she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
