How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
