I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize