So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
