I need help removing her.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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