So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Randomize
