You smell like a Billy Joel song
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
