My sheets look like a crime scene.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
