Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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