Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
